My First Love

Dirt warning! You are probably reading this thinking you are going to get some dirt on me. Well, you might. Sometimes transparency reveals to much. You know, the TMI factor. And, no, this isn't going to be a sappy Valentines Day plug about me and my wife.

You need to understand something first. I'm a musician. So I spend a lot of time up front on stage. While I don't enjoy being there (subject of another post), I spent many hours in college performing.

So, I used to date this girl in college. She seemed to love me off-stage. But as soon as I had a concert or performance on stage - she seemed to detest the fact. Why? She felt like I was in the lime light - and she wasn't. The longer we dated, the worse it got...to the point that I felt like our relationship was conditional. She loved me conditionally - only when I was off-stage.

There came a point I had to decide - stop dating her or stop being a musician. Guess which I choose...

Today, I'm a musician and I'm married to a musician.

The church in Ephesus lost their first love. After reading the first half of Revelation 2, God let a church in Ephesus know that they had lost their first love (which was God). Sure they acted like they were in a relationship with Him, but God warned if they didn't fall back in love with Him - that He would remove them from the plan He had for them.

Ouch! Isn't being removed from God's plan harsh? I thought God was a loving God? He is. That's why He only wants to be in love with us, and us with Him.

Everyday I have a choice - to love God or to fall out of love and go my own way. I'm not talking about big things - I'm talking about how I treat the person taking my order behind the counter, or how I respond to my kids when they misbehave. Like that bad dating relationship I was in - I have a choice. Either love the girl or fall out of love and pursue music. The difference with God, is that he's fair and loves me unconditionally - the girl didn't.

Staying in love with God is a requirement in order for me to serve His purpose. If I fall out of love, God is patient and will probably give me a warning or two - but ultimately He may decide to remove His purpose/plan from my life. This is what He warned the church in Ephesus, if they continued to have lost their first love.

God, I love You today - right now. But that's no promise that I will love You tomorrow. I need to decide every day. I know that there are conditions in my life for how You use me - just like the church in Ephesus. And, God, I don't want to find my self-worth in whether or not You choose to use me in this way or that (or at all). The bottom line is that You desire us to stay in love with You. While my love for You might ebb and flow with coming days - I want You to know that I never want to fall out of love for You. So when You call on me to serve in whatever capacity - I'm available. And if You never call on me to do something - or if I never see how You've used me in your kingdom - I want to be OK with that too. My purpose in life is simply to love You because You first loved me - and to respond to You in light of that fact. Period. Help me to toss aside any 'condition' I've had in the past when it comes to being used by You.