Monday, December 05, 2005

Just Wait

There aren't too many things that press my button. But what I'm going to share today is one that really does. In fact, it takes everything in me to not come back with a smart comment. Someone with my personality doesn't have too many of these occurances, but this is definatley one of them. So what is it?

It's when others say to me, "Just wait until (you fill in the blank)! You'll really understand how hard it is." Let me give you an example. Before I left college, people would tell me "Just wait until you are living on your own and you have to make it yourself." After I moved away from college and family, people said, "Just wait until you get married." After I got married, they said, "Just wait until the honeymoon is over." That led to, "Just wait until you have a kid." Which led to, "Just wait until you have two kids." I'm sure the next one (which I've already heard) is, "Just wait until your kids are teenagers."

I feel like saying, "Just wait until I hit you in the mouth," in love of course.

What posses us to say this to other people? Maybe it's because we feel like we've gone through the fire and that we are preparing them so they aren't surprised. Maybe it's because it makes some people feel better about themselves because they've already 'accomplished' that stage of life. Maybe it's because they really think we are not going to be able to handle it.

Whatever the reason, most of the time it's negative in connotation. I have yet to hear someone say with a lift in their voice and gleam in their eye, "Just wait until you have'll love it." Or maybe, "Just wait until you have an empty will be a great chapter in your life!" Nope. Never heard it.

We seem to be stuck with our present situation being the one place we don't want to be. We talk about the "good ol' days" in the past or about that future "dream vacation" we can't wait to take in the future. We talk about the past and future positively - but we aren't happy with the present. I've been working on this week being content with the NOW. God help me to be more than just satisfied with the present - but taking hold of the present.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Of Faith & Risk

I allowed my son to do something terrible (in the eyes of some) this past week while my wife was at a retreat. It was just me and Joshua at home together. You know - father/son bonding time. I thought I'd let him explore a little, so I allow him to try out a couple of the steps on our staircase. Before you knew it, he was propelling himself with no problem. He was obviously enjoying his freedom.

My son was unaware of all the risks he was taking. What if he would fall? What if I couldn't catch him in time? What if I had passed out for an unexplained reason? What if there had been an earthquake? What if the staircase couldn't hold him? What if...

The difference between Joshua and me is that I'm smarter because of experience. I know when I'm taking a risk. My son did not. What is it then that propells us to take a risk and other times to play it safe? It's called fear. Fear of (you fill in the blank). Failure. Financial ruin. Physical harm. Emotional scarring. Ridicule.

The Bible recounts that Peter, when he walked on water, acted on impulse. It wasn't until he was on top of the water that he realized the risk he took. He didn't calculate it until he got out of the boat. Nonetheless, you'll hear people say that Peter wasn't the failure...there was a boat load of failures who did nothing.

I want to be a Water Walker. I want to be like my son. I want to take risks when God shows me the way (but not the details), opens a door (but doesn't turn on the light), gives me an opportunity (but doesn't tell me the end result). Sure, "calculated risk" is what I've lived on for years...using human means to make sure that I'm not stupid. I'm not talking about being ignorant of the facts. But I am talking about acting when God makes it clear that He wants me to trust Him.

God help me to ACT when you call me to trust you. Thank you for being behind me in the stairwell as I take each step of risk - even when I'm unaware of the danger and risk around me.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Are You a BTS Person?

I've come to appreciate "behind-the-scenes" (BTS) people. They go about their business. They do what they are asked to do. They seek no credit. They want no applause. They seldom are seen by the public.

When do we tend to notice these invisible faces? Sad to say, it's most likely when they screw up. When BTS people serve faithfully and do well, they go unnoticed. But the minute they forget to clean-up or follow-thru, they are the talk of the town.

When you think of BTS people - who comes immediately to your mind? Maybe it's someone in your family. Maybe someone at church. School? Work? Wherever it is, they are probably a regular person who doesn't want your thanks. They prefer behind-the-scenes because they don't want to be noticed.

Who are these people in my world? Here are a few who I've come to appreciate, but didn't always know they were there. They remain nameless - like they tend to want to be...
  • The lady who empties my office trash can.
  • The people who pick-up my trash.
  • The person who provided a banjo for me.
  • The people on the mezzanine in church who support what is happening on stage.
  • The couple who makes distributes music to groups.
  • The one who provides clean cloths everyweek.
  • The singer in the choir who never asks to sing a solo.
  • The one who writes an encouraging post on someone's website who doesn't even know the other person.
  • The people who setup the set and tear it down, but aren't a part of the show.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Red Devilish Ax

So I got a new guitar. My wife and I agreed that if we redid the kitchen that I could get my final electric guitar upgrade. So, after going through our finances and budget, we realized we could do both. So here it new guitar.

My old guitar was a red devilish ax. (Who ever said that Satan is red anyway?) It wasn't my first pick of guitars to play during worship - but the price was right when a friend of mine was getting rid of it. The red beast played in tune and did the trick - so I used it. It played better than my first blue sparkling guitar (which was another friend's guitar, that gave me a good deal). Others said that the cut-away on the Les Paul hollow-body styled guitar looked like a devil horn - but I played it anyway.

I found myself with buyers regret (but not too much) as I drove home with my friend Todd with the new guitar. Why was I getting this guitar? Did I really need it? Was I really being a good steward of what God has given me? (Get behind me Satan!) That's my personality - analysis paralysis. But I plopped down the money anyway - and there I was on my way home with the new guitar. The stop at Taco Bell made it a little better on the way home.

When I woke up Sunday morning and grabbed the guitar & case on the way out of the house - I found myself praying all the way to the church. I was asking God to make this guitar a tool that I could use for Him. I didn't want it to be the focal point of that Sunday morning, the rhythm band, or in anyway. Human nature had my little-boy-grin all over inside as I plugged the guitar into my amp.

"New toy?" The other band members asked. "Kinda," I replied. So what! Big deal. People get new cars all the time. People get a new haircut. The minute you change aftershave - everyone notices.

Maybe I should have been thrilled? Thrilled that God made it possible for me to lead worship that morning on a nice guitar. Thrilled that I have the priveledge to even come before Him with anything. Thrilled that I had the budget I had. Thrilled that I had the freedom to lead worship at all. Thrilled that others could enjoy the fact that God has blessed me.

So why should I hide it? If anything, I have the tendancy to be too frugal, shoot for the lowest common denominator, and feel guilty whenever God decides to make things fall in my favor.

God, thank You for what you give me and when You give it to me. Everything I have comes from You. My guitar, my family, my skills, my health, my life...everything! Help me to point others to You with what You've given me. And help me find a good home for the Red Devilish Ax.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Elusive Target

I don't like to admit when I'm wrong. Nobody does. When it comes to several ministry areas, I have goals in my mind of what our target is and what it means when we hit it. Unfortunately, I don't like to admit that we haven't hit a target.

What do you do when you realize you haven't hit your target? This past year, the concert leadership team and I have finally agreed that we have not been hitting our target with the concert series - a ministry designed to be an outreach by nature. Sure, we can pack the house with 1,000+ people - but that does not define success. Success, means that we have a high percentage of those who are unchurched or are unbelievers. Frankly, I'd be more happy with 500 people at an event with 20% (125 people) being unchurched - than 1,000 people with only 5% (50 people) unchurched. Am I concerned about numbers here? Yes! Because people matter to God.

I have a choice in how I can respond when I miss. I can become defensive. I can blame others. I can blame the environment or climate I'm in. I can become depressed and immobilized. I can wallow in pity for myself. These are all negaive responses. But what about the positive responses? I could make changes. I could try again. I could be honest. I could learn.

How will I choose to respond?

Thomas Edison found success in his failure. He filled more than 40,000 pages with notes before he finally had a bulb that withstood a 40 hour test in his laboratory. In 1879, after testing more that 1600 materials for the right filament, including coconut fiber, fishing line, and even hairs from a friend's beard, Edison and his workers finally figured out what to use for the filament -- carbonized bamboo. While working on this project, Edison is quoted to say, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

God, help me to respond to failure like Christ. Even though Christ didn't fail in anything He did, my attitude, verbal response, and actions can all reflect your Son who was perfect. Help me be open to change to be more effective for service in Your Kingdom.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Plugging In

Yesterday I sat down at my desk shortly after 9am and began my morning ritual. You know - emptying the inbox, re-prioritizing the to-do list, listening to voice mail, and making the rest of the week's game plan. Everything was going as usual. Nothing abnormal. But then it began...

I felt something on my right leg. You know. Sometimes your car keys in your pocket are turned and are boring a hole in your leg. I shifted my weight in the chair and thought it might correct the problem. Several seconds later, it was there again. Boring a hole in my leg. I thought, that's it - I'm going to flaten those keys so they don't poke me. So I reached my hand in far enough to feel the keys and give them a good jingle. Ahhh! That should do it.

Again, several seconds later...this searing pain was at my leg! It felt like someone was holding a hot iron to my leg. I finally jumped up, frustrated, and pulled the dump keys out of my pocket. With the keys laying on the desk, I still felt something in my pocket. Reaching my hand in, I finally pulled out a 9-volt battery.

It was hot! Really hot! Scalding!

Apparently, during Sunday's service, I threw an extra 9-volt in my pocket in case I needed it for an RF mic or my RF guitar unit if the battery died mid-service. I had forgotten about it and wore the same pair of jeans (I do this often - saves money and work for the laundry). With the 9-volt in the pocket, there was also a PAPERCLIP.

The paperclip made contact with the positive and negative of the 9-volt , it caused the battery to heat up. I unknowingly had the perfect storm for a bomb in my pocket.

It's a lot like our access to God's power. His power in us is working through the Holy Spirit that lives in every believer. We have it all the time. Sitting in our pocket. We don't realize it. We could have access to His power at any time. We simply forget about it. We had it on Sunday - but forgot about it in our pocket on Monday at work.

The Holy Spirit is our power source. He’s all-powerful and all-knowing. When we’re plugged into the Holy Spirit, we’re also plugged into God and all His mighty power.

I am fully wired. But unless I plug into the power source, I don’t have any power coursing through my wires. The battery represents the Holy Spirit. The wires (or paperclip in this sense) represent my relationship to Jesus Christ. I may be fully wired — praying every now and then and even reading the Bible once in a while — but that’s not enough. What good is a cord without any power?

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Ephesians 3:20

Monday, October 17, 2005

Epic Mistakes

Yesterday at church we had a Sunday unlike any other we've had to date. It was called "EPIC Sunday" based off of a concept John Eldridge created. The concept deals with the story God is telling and the role we have to play in it. Our primary target, unlike other Sundays, were those who do not have a vertical relationship with God yet.

The Sunday morning was filled with a variety of communication methods that connect with a variety of learners. One of these elements was The Crosswalk Band (from Grace Church's Crosswalk Show). During the service, the band has several moving video clips to play along with. The band plays with "click tracks" that keep the live band in tempo with the video and words on the screen. At several points, things didn't pan out the way we had rehearsed them.

Technical challenges caused us to not have a click track in the drummers in-ear monitors - causing us to fly by the seat of our pants. Though we didn't rehearse this way - we kept going. Most people probably didn't see it as a distraction - however for me, it was a disctraction of epic proporations.

How can I worship vertically when I'm being horizontally challenged by the technical errors we were making? It stole my attention from where my attention was due. At that point in time it didn't matter if we were on with the click or off. We were at the top of our game with our level of excellence (doing the best you can with what you have)...yet I felt as if there was 'something more' that could have been done. Afterward, I thought about where my focus was (or wasn't).

God help me not to be horizontally challenged after we've done all we could do. I want to be vertically focused no matter what human error occurs. You don't expect perfection...we will never be perfect. But You do demand my attention after all the rehearsing is done. You will be my object of worship - not the monitor mix, video images, click tracks, distracting movements, un-cued mics, mis-said words, or whatever may happen the next time we come before Your throne.

Friday, October 14, 2005

I'm blogging from my Treo

I'm blogging from my Treo handheld in our familyroom. If this works, this will be amazing - but still not as awesome as God's omnipresent ability.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

All in the Family

Last night, my wife and I were reading a story together about a dad and his little girl. This girl wanted to show her dad a picture that she drew, but the dad kept telling her, "Later, I'm too busy with work right now." The girl became flustered after several attempts and finally plopped down in his lap and demand to show him her picture. Feeling bad, he agreed to see the picture.

It was a beautful picture of their family. There was the little girl, her baby brother, mom, dog, a big house, and hamster that was twice the size of the dog. The dad commented on how pretty and well-done the picture was. His daughter then slid off his lap and made her way outside his study area.

Then the dad's heart sank. He thought something was wrong. He asked his daughter to come back and show him the picture again. As she lifted up the drawing to him, he noticed something missing from the picture. He said, "I see mommy, you, your brother, the dog and hamster...but honey, where is daddy?" The little girl replied, "Daddy is at work."

While this story is a true story, I thought about my life and family. Will my 10 month old son grow up and ask where his dad is? Will he resent the work, church, hobbies, or whatever I engross myself with. I'd like to say I'm strong enough to know when my life would be out-of-balence - but maybe not.

God wants to find a place in our lives as well. I struggle enough with human relationships - how about a relationship with someone I don't physically see? If I would draw a picture - would I even think to put God into it...or would I put only those horizontal relationships I have?

God, help us to be all in the family. I want to be in the pictures that my kids draw. I want to be their biggest mentor, their best friend, the one with advice, the one with answers, and the one who will always have time to look at their precious drawings. Most importantly, I want to be a reflection of Christ to my kids. When they think of me, I want them to see Christ and understand who He is.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Singing while Playing

One of the recent comments I've heard is that people are 'impressed' that the instrumentalists on stage sing during our services. [Part of me cringes whenever someone tells me they are 'impressed' by what we do. I hope the focus is God - not us. But maybe that's for another post later on.] To be honest, I'm not sure how this "instrumentalists singing" developed - other than maybe by example Regardless, it is something that people have taken notice of.

The musicians have been singing the songs that they are not playing on - which demonstrates that they are engaged far beyond simply playing their instrument when expected. However, it is difficult for some musicians to be singing and playing at the same time.

Even I struggle with some "Trading My Sorrows" - I simply can't seem to get the correct lyric rhythm with the pattern on the guitar. Kinda like patting your head and brushing your teeth with your bare feet upside down on a rainy day. In those times, I defer to the vocalists to lead us through.

The point is - that musicians are worshipping beyond their instruments. Words matter more than music. I hate to admit it because I'm an instrumentalist by nature - but it's true. Without the meaning behind the music, music is simply neutral.

So I applaude the instrumentalists who are singing when they are not playing. I applaude the instrumentalists who are singing WHILE playing (what a feat in some cases). God is honored by those who are going beyond the music to the meaning behind the music.

I'll be honest...sometimes I get caught up with how my guitar amplifier sounds with effects; or how the underscore pad on the keyboard has a tinge of a didgeridoo; or even how clean and effortless a trombone lick might sound on a Brooklyn Tab piece. When I allow the music to become the focus, I then allow God to become blurry. It should be the other way around. The music should be a blur - but point to the One I should be focusing on.
God - help me to focus on You and to blur the music.

Friday, October 07, 2005

New Berries, Old Berries

How do you manage to help new church attenders (new berries) who posses the time, talent, and a deep passion for serving God find the most appropriate place to serve while other (old berries) have been in certain roles for a long time? People like eatingnew berries if they are ripe. Somehow, the old berries simply aren't 'exciting' any longer.

For example, let's take the basson player has been playing 1st chair in the orchestra for the past 10 years. This "old berry" basson player has put in 'her dues' and has given her best. Then one day a "new berry" basson player emerges. People soon discover, along with the director, that this "new berry" bassonist has more time on his hands, more talent at playing his instrument, and a heart and passion that outshines the "old berry" basson player.

What do you do with the two berries?

A good conductor knows that only one bassonist belongs on the 1st chair part. Never double up the 1st chair! It would be foolish to create a entire second orchestra at this what do you do?

Recently, the church where I am the worship arts director at has gone through some significant growth. Our attendance is up 30% from last year, and 70% from two years ago. This is something none of us anticipated. So what do we do with all of the new musicians, technicians, artists, actors, and behind-the-scenes people?


I'm figuring out a way to incorporate the new berries while honoring old berries. How? For example, how about having a real conversation with all the berries about what is happening. That's right. Sit everyone down (hopefully you have organization enough to do this) and explain what's happening. Always avoid making overarching personnel changes without discussing it first with everyone - the reasons why. If you don't, some may end up feeling that you have an agenda and they might be the next on your chopping block.

Another example, create a rotation schedule. Give a group a break one week and have another group fill in. Rotate them around. In other words, the 1st chair bassoonist can take a break every other week. In fact, the bassoonist might enjoy coming and listening to the orchestra every other week - and might even learn how to improve what she does by hearing what the other bassoonist does in the context of the orchestra.

Another...create a sub list. This way people can be called on to serve when their is a hole in an area. Sub lists are also a way to find out people's motives for serving. For most, it's not pleasant to be put on a sub list. "Sub" usually means "underneath" - something that is undesirable. I admire those who are on a sub list before I admire those who are in the spotlight. Jesus did to.

Another...create a process to incorporate new berries. Ask yourself, how will any new berries feel welcome if we don't make room? How do new berries find out about serving? Does anyone ever ask the new berries to serve - or are they expected to initiate themselves?

Bottom line...every berry has a place - whether old, new, senior, or junior. It's my job as a leader to find the place for them.

The funny thing is...many berries limit how they serve by establishing a narrow field of how they will serve themselves. Most 1st chair bassoonists will never "lower" themselves to setting up the chairs in the orchestra pit. The best berries are the ones who don't care how their time, talent, and heart attitude is long as it's serious contribution to the team.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Above All

Not too long ago, our son Joshua made a trip to the hospital. He's a young guy, only 9 months old, and at the time had no idea of what mom and dad were going through. Joshua had spit up blood three times in five minutes. Joshua didn't appear to be in any pain, but it concerned us that he was spitting up blood (and only blood) in a matter of a small time frame.

It was at the hospital that we had our first tramatic experience as parents. After admitting Joshua overnight, the hospital needed to put an IV in him. My wife and I had the opportunity to hold Joshua down on the hospital bed along with some other medical staff while the IV was put in.

Joshua looked at us with eyes that said, "How come you aren't helping me?!". He gasped for air in between his cries for help, but we still held him down. The nurses told us babies are more upset because they are simply being held down - not because the IV is going in.

The medical staff had the IV half-way in when Joshua quit crying, turned white, and stopped breathing just for a moment. Joshua then began to throw up - choking on his vomit because we were holding him down. We quickly turned him on his side until he stopped and finished putting the IV in. Once the IV was in, Joshua slowly returned to normal and acted like nothing had happened.

This experience gave me a real taste of how it must have been for God and His Son. For God to allow His Son to go through a terrible death on a cross - knowing it hurt Him greatly to go through the process. But it was out of God's love that He allowed Christ to suffer. I understand a little better today how God must have felt to turn His back on His son because of His love for the world. I knew (cognitive) what Christ had done. But I had never felt before what it was like to hold my own son down, to endure pain, to bring about a better ending to the situation.

Dear God...I can never repay You for Your love to me. Above all else, You thought of me to allow Your Son to die in my place. The following is a recent song I've identified with. The chorus connects with me more clearly now...

Above All
(by Lenny LeBlanc and Paul Baloche)

Verse 1
Above all powers above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Verse 2
Above all kingdoms above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth

Chorus 1
Crucified laid behind a stone
You lived to die rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

What then?

On Monday I was at a memorial service for a woman that I never met. It's amazing how stories and music will impact those who have a strong connection behind them. But for those without a connection to the person who passed away, it's simply a story or a song. One poem that caught my attention at this service impacted me. It's all about what one does with their life...where they go, what they do, what they pursue. It was a good reminder that the most important perspective is an eternal perspective. The poem read...

"What Then"

A youth and an old man talked one day;
Said the boy, I think I'll go away,
From Dad's old farm to the city with my friends.
And the old man looked and asked, "What then?"

I'll have some fun in the ole town;
And after a while I'll settle down,
Get a job and earn a lot.
The old man smiled and said, "then what?"

O, I reckon I'll meet the girl of my dreams;
Whose folks have money, and then it seems,
I'll build me a house with everything new.
And the old man asked, Then what'll you do?"

O, I guess I'll invest in bonds and stocks;
They say that's where opportunitiy knocks,
Make lots of money, Live it up for sure.
The old man laughed and asked, "What more?"

Well, I suppose I'll retire, I believe;
I'll travel and live a life of ease,
The old man thought as he scratched his head,
"Then what'll you do my son?" he said.

For a moment the lad made no reply;
Then slowly he answered, "I guess I'll die."
A silence fell as both of them thought,
And thoughtfully the old man asked, "Then what?"

Saturday, October 01, 2005

What is a vertical resonator?

So what is a vertical resonator?

Being or situated at right angles to the horizon; upright.
Situated at the vertex or highest point; directly overhead.
Vertical describes something that is positioned at a 90 degree angle from the horizon. We think of flag poles, teleophone pole, water tower - virtually anything tall that points toward the sky. In vertical resonator (VR), I'm refering to one's thoughts and actions having a vertical feel to them in relation to God. People refer to God as the 'man upstairs,' when in reality - God is omnipresent and cannot be described as only above us. However, many people still use this as the location where God resides. In fact, in the Bible, Christ is seen asending into heaven (sky) several times. It is also the location of where many have had visions in the Bible from revelation from God. Vertial represents my position with God and the track in which my thoughts and actions (should) be resonating. Which bring us to the second term...

As with many words, resonator means something that resonates (see below). A little more in a minute about the word resonate. Why select this word? It's due to what I do as a human and what God has called me to specifically. I am primarily a musician...and all music (except for John Cage's work 4'33") utilized resonance to transmit sound. A vocal cord, string, wood, or whatever it may be...sets air in motion (resonating it) which sends the resonating waves to our ears. The small bones in our ears then resonate and activate electric pulses which are sent to our brain to translate. In this way, music has everything to do with resonating.

A resonating system.
A hollow chamber or cavity with dimensions chosen to permit internal resonant oscillation of electromagnetic or acoustical waves of specific frequencies.

It's interesting that resonate also carries with it a sense of a shared emotion/belief as well as a sense of being harmonious in nature. This is exactly what I desire of my life.

To exhibit or produce resonance or resonant effects.
To evoke a feeling of shared emotion or belief: “It is a demonology [that] seems to resonate among secular and religious voters alike” (Tamar Jacoby).
To correspond closely or harmoniously: “Symbolism matters, especially if the symbols resonate with the larger message” (William Greider).
I desire everything I think and act to point others to the One who initiated this resonance. God is the One who acted first. He's the Great Initiater. Because I am human, I have a sinful nature and therefore seperated from God. I deserve death, which is the just punishment for sin. But God INITIATED a restoration with me (in fact the whole world!). He began to resonate with me when I heard that He sent His perfect Son (without sin) over 2000 years ago to die in my place.

I didn't initiate this resonance. He did. I simply responded. And God has given everyone the opporuntity to decide whether to resonate with what He's done...or to not resonate.

Maybe you've never heard what God has done for you. It's the most important thing that has happened to me. Above getting married, above having children, above my work, above my music, above's the most important. That's why it's vertical - much of the world we live in is focused on the horizontal (what we can obtain or interact with around us) instead of vertical (interaction with that which is above us).

At times I resonate with what God has done for me. Other times, I fail to resonate vertically and I become consumed with the horizontalness of life. I hope to become a better vertical resonator the longer I live on Earth.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Why am I blogging?

I'm asking myself, why am I doing this? People blog for so many different reasons. But why am I doing this? To be honest, I don't know if I'm honest about the reasons. I think one of my primary reasons is simply because I have always struggled to journal my thoughts in writing. Journaling is an interesting thing. Why do people journal? Therapy? Heirlooms? I'm doing this for think through subjects that I've not dared to do in writing.

Really, I'm behind the 8-ball compared to those who have gone before and have been doing this for eons. I want to guard that I'm not doing this for selfish reasons. I've thought before, "Why else do people post their thoughts for the entire world to see? Do they want to be famous? Do they want to appear intellegent? Do they do it for thearpy or to show others that they are ahead of game?" Whatever the reason - here I am...posting in blogworld.

I'm not sure yet, what this will turn into...but I want this to be authentic. If I spend my time impressing others with knowledge or finely tuned words - then I will have lost value in what this is. This is not about impressing others. It's about being real with my thoughts. In light of this, I will not be publically broadcasting that this blog exists. Maybe sometime later down the road - but not yet.

At another post soon, I'll explain the title of this blog -- "vertical resonator."